I have been thinking a long time about writing this journal entry, but since this has been in my head now for a few days and it just would not leave... why not writing about it.
As those of you who folow me for a while now know, I have been rather sick over the past months. I do not want to go too much into depth here but this month it has been a year now that I sit at home and am not able to work any more.
While first my inspiration did not suffer much from this condition, it started to do so though very soon. Gong through all the therapies I have gone thorugh for sure takes its energy and there have been times in the past months, where I pretty much slept all day and night, if possible.
Then there is the family situation: As you might know, I am a single Mom and while I have had help from my childs father in the past months, it still is pretty much a full time job to raise a child, especially when you are sick. On the positive side of all this I met a wonderful man last fall who is at my side since then and helps me out wherever he can, and be it just sitting next to me while I sleep to recover. I was very lucky to find him and spend a lot of time with him.
While all this was going on in my life, the whole 3D world moved on. And it did obviously without me. The other day I took a look at all the new toys available and realized, that with what I have, I am far behind everything now, due to my break.There are many things I would love to buy and o learn... but being home and not working for about a year now means, that I have no spare money left for anything, also not for my beloved hobby.
Well, I could go on forever here now. Last night I opened up DAZ Studio, just to realize, I was staring at the empty viewport, having no clue about what to do next, no pictures in my head, no stories.... nothing. I feel I lost track to it completely. And this has not been the first time that I had this feeling in the past months. Yeah, I know, every now and then there is a new little humble work of mine but let´s be honest... those are nothing compared with what I was able to create and it saddens me to look at these since they are not the same any more. I am not the same any more, at least art-wise. I totally lost the connection.
I am not saying now that I will never create anything ever again, but you really should not expect anything from me any more. I am so sorry to say this, especially because I have really great and dedicated followers which will now be dissappointed.
Maybe I find my way back into 3D. Since it has been a huge and loved part of my life in my past, I really like the idea of creating again one day. But for now, this is just not possible. Maybe it is time to move on. To be honest, I have no idea.
Thank you very much for reading and also thank you for your ongoing support!
